Thursday, April 28, 2011

Don's NFL Draft Live Blog Spectacular

With the Sabres season coming to an end before I would've liked, my excitement turns toward Fantasy....I mean, NFL football. Assuming there is a season, the fun starts tonight at Radio City Music Hall. Now that I am a sports expert - Webster's defines expert as a person with a microphone in front of them - people everywhere will be flocking to their computers to read what I have to say. With Lukin (my dog) at my side, and the first lady (she gets to be the first lady because I put a ring on it) of The Sports-Casters begrudgingly in the room, we are ready for the 2011 NFL Draft!!

Keep refreshing this page throughout the night to get up-to-the-minute updates!

8:06 - The NY crowd is full of positive energy, already booing the commissioner and first overall pick Cam Newton. Looks like Steve Smith will have a new QB to watch from the sidelines while he is hurt. And the Panthers look like they have the answer they have been searching for since Jake Delhomme got away. I can't believe I wrote that.

Lukin agrees with the pick. Michelle reminds me of the time she was reading Twitter and asked aloud if the old guy on stage at the Oscars was Cam Newton. It wasn't. (Kirk Douglas)

8:13 - Every "expert" mock draft had Von Miller going to the Bills at number three. So naturally, he'd get drafted by the Broncos a pick ahead. Miller is overwhelmed with happiness and sheds tears of joy. Michelle asks if its because he knows he doesn't have to play for the Bills. She's a negative-nancy. Bills on the clock.

8:19 - Bills upgrade the D and go with Marcell Dareus. I'm happy. Finally a draft where they don't get cute or try to act smarter than the room. Deon Sanders can't wait to spoil this kid's amazing moment by asking him about his dead parents.

Really tho, everything I've heard about him is that he is just as good off the field as on it. The Bills are becoming more and more likable every day.

While typing that, the Bengals selected A.J. Green at #4. Green should at long last help to prove what every fantasy football player already knows, that Carson Palmer is a below average QB. If they don't draft a QB relatively early this year, I'd be surprised.

Lukin is staring at me intently, wondering what brilliant words I am passing along to my throng of fans. Or he wants my food.

8:30 - The Cardinals draft the guy who many think might be the "best" player in the draft, Patrick Peterson.

Before Peterson even hits the stage, the Browns trade their pick to the Falcons. Falcons move from 27 to 6, trading away their 2nd and 4th this year AND their 1st and 4th next year. Wow. They pick Julio Jones to compliment Roddy White. An already effective offense has just become pretty scary. Somewhere, Matty Ice is smiling. Lukin however, is sleeping.

8:57 - My War Room turned into a marketplace temporarily while a lady came over to purchase an item I had on Craigslist. Everyone hoping to buy that bird perch, I apologize, its been sold.

To recap, the 49ers bypass QB and go with DE Aldon Smith. Then, in what might be one of the largest surprises of the draft, Jake Locker goes to the Titans. Before Gabbert. The Cowboys then select OT Tyron Smith.

The Jags make a trade with the Redskins to move ahead. The Redskins give up the 10th pick to move to 16 and also get the Jaguars 2nd round pick. The Jags then draft Blaine Gabbert. Looks like Garrard will have a year or two to audition for the part of clipboard holder with other teams. Meanwhile, Trent Edwards continues to be terrible.

9:08 - The Texans select DE, J.J. Watt. I really have nothing insightful or funny to add to that. I remember reading that this year is very deep at DE.

Small emergency in our War Room as Michelle is temporarily unable to find her phone. She managed to recover said phone and is now probably on Facebook gauging her friends' opinions of the royal wedding and telling everyone how awesome I am.

Turns out she is on Facebook, and is now informing me of other people's thoughts on the draft. I don't remember asking for that. God I hate my War Room.

9:17 - Vikings totally bum out Andre Reed by selecting Christian Ponder, QB from Florida St. I guess the thought that the Bills will be taking a QB in the 2nd round is starting to slip away.

The Lions are on deck. Insert WR draft pick joke here.

The Lions go with Nick Fairley. They might now have the best DTs in the league. I like the pick. If Matthew Stafford can stay healthy, the Lions might be a good football team sooner than later.

Michelle is so miserable, she decides to play piano instead of watching the draft. My War Room now has a musical score.

9:32 - The Rams draft DE Robert Quinn. Like I said earlier, expect to see a lot of ends come of the board in round one. That and QBs. With the run on QBs that has happened already, I wouldn't be surprised to see trades from teams like Buffalo, that might have hoped to see one slip to the second. Mallet is just one name that is still out there.

The Dolphins take Mike Pouncey with the 15th pick. His twin from the Steelers panned out very well. Michelle says she will be happy for him until he gets to the uniform. She then yells "you suck." Classy.

9:42 - Redskins go with DE/LB Ryan Kerrigan. In other news out of Washington, Dan Snyder is losing his mind trying to find things to do with his time while he can't overspend on washed up free agents.

Mike Mayock continues to babble on about 5 position, 3 technique, and other numbers that mean nothing to most people. I feel like he's trying to impress me, and for that I find him annoying. He then goes on to hate on New England's pick of Nate Solder. Clearly, New England has no idea what they are doing.

Michelle shows some signs of life during the commercial break, commenting on how there's no way a guy could get a chainsaw into an airport. I die a little inside. The Chargers then draft DT Corey Liuget.

10:02 - The Giants pick CB Prince Amukamara. I heard an interview with him on some sports talk show. He seems like a really nice kid.

Michelle reads over the blog and tells me she likes the pictures and that they make it look "legit." I feel totally validated. I shouldn't be so sarcastic tho, she said she might get me a Blizzard from DQ. I think she'd do pretty much anything to get out of the living room at this point.

How much longer can this possibly take?

10:08 - In what must be a nice surprise for the young man, the cast of "Coming To America" joins Amukamara on the stage.

The Buccaneers select Adrian Clayborn, another DE. This is followed by a commercial break. I'm pretty sure these are required refractory periods for Mike Mayock. Nothing turns him on more than showing off his knowledge of football related numbers, and not allowing anyone not named Rich Eisen to talk for more than three seconds at a time.

Michelle now realizes she is heavily included in the blog, and starts feeding me terrible lines about commercials. My War Room has turned into open mic night. The truest sign that I love her is filtering her. The 'director's cut' of this blog would be cringe-worthy.

She interestingly wonders aloud if the NFL network purposely sat their panel, White-Black-White-Black-White. She is a big fan of symmetry.

In actual news, the Browns make a trade with the Chiefs to select Phil Taylor. Madden cover-boy, Peyton Hillis announces the pick with the help of Jesus.

10:26 - The Colts select T Anthony Castonzo. Michelle is looking less and less like she will be going to DQ. I'm starting to hate the draft.

10:33 - Michelle is underwhelmed and confused by the troops coming onstage, but then does a 180 and gets totally into it and starts singing "Proud to be an American." She's a patriot that would make Eddie Vedder proud.

The Eagles select Danny Watkins with the 23rd pick. If you missed it the first hundred times it was stated, he's also a fireman.

Steve's Saints are on the clock.

10:39 - In what might be the surprise move of the night, Michelle gets up and heads out to DQ, still singing "Proud to be an American." The draft just got a bit more awesome.

The Saints select Cameron Jordan DE presumably as an answer to the unstoppable Marshawn Lynch. Mike Mayock changes his pants for the tenth time.

10:45 - Inexplicably, Evenflow starts playing at Radio City Music Hall. Not a complaint at all, just a bit odd. It's the first time I noticed music playing since they played Jay-Z after the Giants pick.

The Seahawks are on the clock and have used almost all of their time. Hopefully the remaining 7 teams do the same so I can enjoy this for another hour.

10:51 - Seattle selects T, James Carpenter, then the draft screeches to a halt.

My Pecan Cluster Blizzard arrives, and I am reminded how much I love ice cream my wife.

After much confusion, the Chiefs select WR Jonathan Baldwin. Apparently the Ravens were too busy watching "The Wire" to be bothered to make a pick.

11:08 - The Ravens decide to play along and pick Jimmy Smith. The Saints make a big trade with the Pats to pick RB Mark Ingram. Steve has to like that. Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas probably aren't as excited.

11:14 - I'm so ready for this to be over. Michelle tells me "I get what the '1' means now", referring to the jerseys. I smile and say nothing mean, she did get me a Blizzard.

11:20 - The Bears select T, Gabe Carimi. I have nothing to add. I am a beaten man. The draft is like a road trip. At first it is exciting and fun, and a few hours in you just want it to be over. I've literally been watching large young men get handed new hats and shirts for over three hours. And commented on every one. I should get an award for this.

The Jets select Muhammad Wilkerson after showing how well their fans can spell their team's name in unison. The idiot with the fire hat is nowhere to be found. Hopefully he had a heart attack is having a nice night. Pittsburh selects DT Cam Heyward, and my misery is almost at an end.

11:34 - Michelle and Lukin are both sleeping. Somehow the thrill of the last pick of the first round is lost on them. Green Bay is taking their time. They only had three and a half hours to make a decision. You can't rush these things. Green Bay selects T Derek Sherrod as the panel discusses how good the pace was tonight. Remind me never to carpool, compete in a three legged race, or deliver a package via Mike Mayock and Co.

I need to go to bed. I'm going to try my best to not dream of five technique, war rooms, or value picks. Thanks for reading and please visit for more good stuff.

Sit, Lukin Sit. Good Dog.

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